My Husband Wants to Leave as He Doesn’t Get My Attention After I Gave Birth to Twins

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Emma shared her full story with us.

This is Emma’s story.

Emma started her letter with a heavy heart: “Hi, Alternatech. I never thought I’d be sharing something like this, but I’m feeling lost and alone, and I don’t know what to do. My husband, Matt, and I have been together for eight years, and married for five. We’ve always had a strong relationship, full of love and understanding. But since the birth of our twins, things have changed so drastically that I barely recognize us anymore.”

“Matt and I had always dreamed of having children, and when we found out we were expecting twins, we were overjoyed. But no one really prepares you for the reality of raising two babies at once. The sleepless nights, the constant feedings, the endless diapers—it’s overwhelming, to say the least. And as much as I love our boys, I feel like I’m drowning under the weight of it all.”

She continued, “Since the twins were born, my entire world has revolved around them. I’m exhausted all the time, barely getting a few hours of sleep each night. Matt has been helping, but he also has to work long hours to support us, so most of the childcare falls on me. I know I’ve been distant, and I feel guilty about it, but I just don’t have the energy for anything else. I haven’t had a moment to myself in months, and our relationship has suffered because of it.”

“Matt came to me last night and said he’s thinking about leaving. He told me he feels neglected, like I don’t care about him anymore. He said he misses the way things used to be, just the two of us, and that he doesn’t feel like a priority in my life now. Hearing those words broke my heart, because the truth is, I miss us too. But I don’t know how to balance being a good mother and a good wife when I feel like I’m barely holding on.”

Emma then shared, “I tried to explain to Matt that this is just a phase, that the boys won’t be this demanding forever, and that we’ll find our way back to each other. But he just looked so defeated, like he’s already made up his mind. I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t know how to fix this. How do I show him that I still love him when I’m too exhausted to even think straight?”

“Now, I’m sitting here, staring at my sleeping babies, wondering how I can possibly choose between my husband and my children. I don’t want to lose my marriage, but I don’t want to fail as a mother either. What should I do?”

We appreciate your bravery in sharing your story with us, so we’ve put together a few tips to help.

Navigating the challenges of motherhood while maintaining a strong relationship can feel overwhelming, especially with the added pressures of raising twins. Here are some pieces of advice that could guide Emma in finding balance and reconnecting with her husband.

Communicate Openly: Sit down with Matt and have an honest conversation about your feelings and struggles. Let him know that you love him and that you’re committed to finding a way through this together.
Ask for Help: Don’t be afraid to reach out to family or friends for support. Even a few hours of help with the twins can give you and Matt some much-needed time together.
Prioritize Self-Care: Remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Take small moments for yourself, even if it’s just a quick walk or a quiet cup of tea, to recharge.
Reconnect with Matt: Find simple ways to reconnect, like having a quiet dinner after the babies are asleep or watching a movie together. It’s the small moments that can help rebuild your bond.
Be Patient: This is a tough phase, but it’s temporary. Remind yourselves that the sleepless nights and overwhelming demands will pass, and your relationship will be stronger for having weathered it together.

Set Small Goals: Focus on small, achievable goals for your relationship, like having one meaningful conversation a week or scheduling a regular date night, even if it’s at home.
Show Appreciation: Make an effort to express gratitude for the things Matt does, no matter how small. Feeling appreciated can go a long way in strengthening your connection.
Consider Counseling: Couples counselling can provide a safe space to address your concerns and learn strategies to reconnect and support each other during this challenging time.
Include Matt in Parenting: Find ways for Matt to be more involved with the twins, like taking turns with nighttime feedings or sharing in the babies’ milestones together. This can help him feel more connected to both you and the children.
Forgive Yourself: Remember that you’re doing your best, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this new chapter in your life.