The relationship between the two sisters has been tough since childhood.
A woman named Anna wrote to us, telling her very complex story that developed from her complicated relationship with her sister. She began her letter saying that she’s 26 years old, and she has an older sister, Vanessa, who’s 28 and whom Anna has never loved. The woman explains that Vanessa always wanted to compete with her, but this desire has never had even a hint of normal sibling rivalry.
Their whole life, the older sister seemed resentful of Anna’s very existence. She wanted the spotlight to always shine only on her. As a result, Vanessa stepped on everything that Anna loved and enjoyed. When Anna learned violin, Vanessa had to learn violin. When the younger sister excelled at some subject, the older one suddenly became an expert in it. If Anna had a crush, Vanessa would be dating that very same guy in a few days.
Anna admits that she had always told her parents when her older sister did this but all her pleas were ignored, because, as their parents said, sisters tend to copy each other and Anna can’t prohibit Vanessa doing what she likes. The older sister always kept an eye on what activities Anna did, and even the clothes she wore, so she could out-do her sister.
As the sisters were growing up, their rivalry was becoming even more intense.
Anna continues her story, saying that there was also more praise for Vanessa in everything. Even when the younger sister took the initiative to begin any activity first, the older one was praised because she was performing nicer in it. Their parents would take time off from work to attend Vanessa’s dance shows, visiting every single one, because they took the greatest pride in her dancing achievements. But as for Anna, the parents attended maybe 3 or 4 of hers because they were “busy at work” or had some other important plans.
Vanessa took advantage from this. She was constantly sweet with Anna around their parents. Whenever they weren’t around, she told Anna how much she hated her and how she should have stopped trying because she would always be on a second place after her. She also teased Anna in school. Vanessa often tripped her, threw things at her, and did other offensive things to Anna on an almost daily basis.
Anna always felt out of place because of her older sister.
The school employees reacted to that bad teasing, threatening Vanessa with suspension, but their parents justified their older daughter’s behavior every time. They constantly explained to the school administration that it was a family matter and the girls were just bickering like all other sisters.
Anna was often in trouble as Vanessa would start crying, saying how she was mistreated at school when Anna confronted her. The younger sister became an outsider due to the older sister’s malicious rumors about her, so it was nearly impossible for her to make friends. As a result, Anna befriended only people from other districts. Vanessa was telling lies to all Anna’s friends about how Anna was favored by their parents and that it was Anna who always teased and belittled her.
Anna revealed that her sister even stole her boyfriends doing this. She told them that Anna was an awful person that copied her every step.
Vanessa is now living through the worst times of her life, but Anna doesn’t feel sorry for her.
Anna continues her story, saying that she’s now happily married to a very nice and loving guy. Her whole family hadn’t even attended her wedding and didn’t even congratulate her. Anna has 3 kids, but her parents haven’t made any attempt to contact or meet them during these years.
Vanessa, in her turn, got married to one of the guys who was initially Anna’s boyfriend. They were together since high school, and she seems to be happy with him. But her sister has been posting about her infertility issues and says that she’s sad that their parents “won’t be able to hold their first beloved baby.”
Anna describes her emotions, writing, “I’m happy Vanessa is suffering. I am happy that she will never be a mother. If she did all this tormenting to me for years, what would she do to a child? Especially if it’s a girl. I don’t wish anything bad or evil on any baby on Earth, but I know in heart of hearts that Vanessa’s child would be destroyed by her. I don’t have any sympathy or sense of obligation to my sister and to my parents. They always supported her and belittled me.
My parents cared more about my sister’s miscarriage than my three children. My kids always ask why they only have one set of grandparents. I will never express any condolences to my destructive sister, who has been justified in her awful deeds since birth. Maybe her problems will change her, maybe she’ll develop empathy or any kind of emotion that isn’t hate.”
We advise Anna to still try to support her sister.
We’re very grateful to Anna for her trust and sharing her story with us. As difficult as it seems, we’d advise Anna to still show some kindness and understanding to her sister Vanessa. It may seem almost impossible, provided that Vanessa was actually a person who ruined Anna’s childhood, but we’d advise Anna to have a talk with Vanessa.
It doesn’t mean that she must totally forget about everything that her older sister did to her, but Anna might feel better in her heart if she appears more kind and sympathetic than her sister. Sometimes, it’s not necessary to copy someone’s bad deeds and seek revenge. Showing some kindness to your offender might teach them even a better lesson than mirroring their own bad deeds.
And here’s yet another shocking story about a relationship between siblings. This man’s sister refused to invite his son to the wedding because of his appearance, and the reaction of everyone was just outrageous.
Preview photo credit Ann Agterberg / Unsplash
