Meera sent a letter to us.
Meera began her letter by saying, “Hello, Alternatech. I never imagined I would be in a position where I felt so confused and uncertain, but here I am, reaching out for help. Recently, I discovered something about my family that has been keeping me awake at night, and I need to understand if I’m overthinking or if my emotions are valid.
I was raised in a very conservative household. My parents brought up my younger brother and me with strong traditional values at the heart of everything. From a young age, I was taught that a woman’s role was to support her family, become a dutiful wife, and manage the home. Since that was all I had ever known, I didn’t question it. When I married my husband, Arjun, I naturally slipped into that role without hesitation.
My parents were pleased with my marriage, especially since I found a kind and responsible man. They often reassured me that with Arjun by my side, I had nothing to worry about. My father would frequently remind me, ’Arjun will take care of you now.’ And I wholeheartedly believed that.”
Meera always believed that both she and her brother would equally share the inheritance from their parents.
“Life with Arjun has been good, but like everyone else, we have our financial challenges. We both work hard to keep our household running smoothly and although we aren’t wealthy, we’ve managed to get by without needing much assistance. I never expected any sort of inheritance from my parents, as I always believed that whatever they had would be equally shared between my brother and me. But that belief was completely shattered when I stumbled upon their will recently.”
Meera continued, “I was visiting my parents when I found the will in one of their drawers. I wasn’t searching for anything in particular; I was simply looking for some old documents my mother had asked me to retrieve. When I noticed the will, I felt curious and didn’t think much of reading it. After all, they are my parents, and I had always assumed that everything would be divided fairly between my brother and me. But as I read the document, my heart sank.”
Meera’s family had different views about it.
“My parents had decided to leave everything—the family home, the land, the savings, and even some cherished heirlooms—to my brother. Not a single mention was made of me. At first, I thought it had to be a mistake, but then I read the part where they had written that my brother, being the son, would inherit everything because ’he will need to support his future family and provide for them.’
The will further explained that since I’m married and my husband takes care of me, I don’t need any inheritance. They believed my brother, as a man, should have it all because one day he would have his own family to support. It even went on to say that, as their daughter, my responsibility was now to my husband’s family, not my own.”
Meera explained, “I was in complete shock. My parents had always been loving and supportive, so seeing this felt like a betrayal, as though my worth was diminished simply because I’m a woman. They didn’t even discuss this decision with me, and the pain of it was overwhelming. When I confronted them, they didn’t seem to understand why I was so upset.
My mother said, ’But you’re married, Meera. Arjun takes care of you. Your brother needs this to start his own life when he marries. This is just how things are done in our culture.’ My father chimed in, ’You should be happy for your brother; he needs this more than you do.’”
Anika thinks about whether she should fight or leave it.
“I’m really struggling with this, Alternatech,” Meera wrote, “because it feels like my value to my parents is tied solely to the fact that I’m a woman. They seem to think that, now that I’m married, I no longer belong to their family. It’s as though all the years I spent being their daughter, their source of support, and their pride, no longer matter because I have a husband. I feel utterly betrayed and heartbroken. I’ve always done everything they asked of me, but now I question whether they ever saw me as equal to my brother.
I’m torn. On one hand, I am ready to fight for what I believe is rightfully mine, but on the other hand, I wonder if I should simply accept their decision since they’ve clearly made up their minds. I don’t want to cause a rift in my family, but I also can’t ignore the pain this has caused me. What should I do?”
Here are a few options Meera can consider in her situation.
Meera, we understand how challenging and emotionally charged your situation is. Discovering that your parents have chosen to exclude you from their inheritance based on your gender must feel deeply unfair and painful. Here are some suggestions that might help you navigate this difficult time:
- Communicate openly: Have an honest and heartfelt conversation with your parents. Share your feelings and concerns about the decision to inherit. They might not fully understand how deeply this situation is affecting you emotionally, and a candid discussion could open their eyes to your perspective.
- Consider mediation: If direct conversations seem too difficult or ineffective, a neutral third party could help. Family mediation might facilitate a more productive conversation, helping to resolve the issue without placing further strain on your relationships.
- Focus on your independence: While the inheritance decision is significant, don’t lose sight of your own financial independence. Consider how you can continue building your life and security outside of your family’s decisions. This might provide you with a sense of control and empowerment.
- Emphasize your contributions: Remind your parents of your contributions to the family and your personal achievements. Sometimes, parents may unintentionally overlook their daughters’ successes, assuming that they are less in need of support. Highlight your value and worth to ensure they understand how you feel.
The thought of losing a beloved father and grandfather is deeply distressing, and many people grapple with the emotional weight of such news. However, one man was disheartened to witness his children immediately arguing over their inheritance upon learning about his illness, rather than offering sympathy. Feeling both hurt and disappointed, he decided to share his story.
